Do you ever feel as if you and yours had much more fun as a new couple than compared to the present day? If you answered 'yes', you're not alone! It's a natural occurrence to feel as if, as your relationship becomes more serious, you must as well. Don't forget the importance of the fun and excitement in your relationship, and here's why.
I am becoming aware of how little people in relationships are willing to play and explore with their significant others. When people decide to get into a relationship, everything becomes serious and significant. Even the pursuit of a relationship, we make significant. As a couple, the ability to remain playful and curious is what will get you through the hard times in your relationships.
In my relationship with my husband, Melvin, I remember when we played and romped. We traveled, poked fun at each other and enjoyed the art of learning about one another. Laughter came easy through our bantering, playing backgammon, chess, and cards. We played ... yes; we played full out in our getting to know each other.
It was what I would call serious play. But, I remember once we got married I said, "Now it is time to get serious!" and guess what, I threw the art of play out of our marriage. We stopped playing.
What I have observed is the importance in maintaining a sense of play in relationships. Play keeps things in flow and the atmosphere of a relationship light in spirit. Also, I learned that it takes approximately 15 years to understand a culture of any kind. In my opinion, a relationship is its own culture so in that respect, it takes about that amount of time to understand your partner who is part of the culture of your relationship. It is also important to maintain that sense of curiosity.
I remember when I was a child I was curious about life. I wanted to know how the world worked. As a consequence, I was always outdoors exploring. From the time I woke up and had my breakfast, I would tell my mother that I would be back later, and off I would dash to explore what I could in my area of the world of which I was permitted play.
But, I was exploring. I remained curious and interested in the things and people around me. Then, when I got married, it was about taking our relationship to the next level, and all sense of play and curiosity was over for all practical purposes. I stopped questioning and started accusing. Why are you doing things that way? What do you mean about that?
My questions were not of one interested, but figuring it out to see if it was part of my agenda, and if not, then how can I shut it down so that it does not threaten me, as in my identity. What I was doing was failing to see the beauty in remaining open to learning about this wonderful person with whom I chose to spend my time on this journey I call my life. By realizing that I was cutting myself off from learning about this fabulous and wonderful person, I had disconnected myself from qualities I had enjoyed and cultivated as a child...curiosity!
I invite you to look at your current relationships and see if you have lost a sense of serious play and curiosity in this relationship. See if you have tension and conflict in those areas. What is probably missing are those key ingredients for maintaining a joyous balance of fun and mystic.
When we consciously choose to bring in a sense of play, and it can be serious play, the kind of play where you bring your whole heart and soul to the endeavor, you are willing to be in the fun and magic of your relationship. Also, when you decide to remain curious as you learn about your partner or another than the tension and conflict will cease to exist.
When I am playful with Melvin, I am curious about how he approaches life and how he solves problems. This allows me to learn things about him I otherwise would not know. I have also learned that when I bring play and curiosity to our marriage there is a sense of openness, joy, and harmony that flows between us.
Further, I invite single people who are looking for partnership to lighten up, play and discover the fun and magic that can be found in manifesting your mate. In our group-coaching program, we have some members who are aware of how significant and serious they have made the process of finding their mate. Their approach to Internet dating has become serious minus the play. They have removed all of the play and exploration in finding their life partner and have made it a serious endeavor.
I don't know about you, but when I am being pursued by another, I am always more interested in those who are joyous and playful in wooing me. My attitude is "If you can't bring the fun don't bother getting to know me."
Life offers us many opportunities to be serious and significant, and I do not believe that the area of relationship needs to be one of them. We can successfully master relationships through the avenue of play and curiosity. Try it! I challenge you to shift your attitude to playfulness and curiosity and see if you do not notice a difference in how open another is to you from this point of view.