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Home arrow Family & Relationshipsarrow Relationshipsarrow How to Compliment your Partner

How to Compliment your Partner
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How to Compliment your Partner
How to Compliment your Partner
Everyone loves receiving a compliment from a loved one, but when it comes to giving them? Not so much. Most people don't skimp on praise because they don't want to; often times they just don't know how without coming across as phony. If you could use a pointer or two on how to pay a compliment, read on!

Giving compliments is an art of it's own. And like any art, it's not always black and white, and it's not always an easy thing to do. If we say our compliments the wrong way, then it can come off insincere and discredit us as a nice person to date from the very start. But if we give compliments in a genuine manner, a manner that is memorable then it can make us very attractive.

And in dating, being perceived as attracive is key. However when you're on a date, do you want to give just any old compliment? Of course not, you want to be able to give compliments that are extraordinary, and to the point that it makes any person blush.

There are three levels of complimenting. Each level is more difficult to do, however each one also has a higher emotional attractiveness when done right.

The first level of complimenting is the one about the physical. Physical complimenting is about the way a woman dresses, it's about how handsome a man looks, or it can be about how nice a car that a girl owns. This first level of complimenting makes people feel good, but it also has the least amount of emotional impact, and is also the one that takes the least amount of effort to think of.

An example would be "Wow you, look so sexy in that dress."

The second level of complimenting is a step up, and allows for more emotional connection. This second level is behavioural focussed complimenting. This is about the way that a person acts, and does an activity. You might notice that the gentleman opened the car door for you, or that she brought a book written by your favourite author on your second date. These are all actions that people take, and you can compliment them on these behaviours.

"Thank you so much, that's so wonderful of you to be able to remember my favourite author. You are amazing."

This type of complimenting is the one that is used the most today, and is often done on dates.

If you want to really impress your dates, to give them a compliment that will knock them out of their shoes, then you need to be able to do visionary complimenting. Visionary complimenting can be hard, because this style of complimenting does not focus only on the behaviour, but it focusses on what the behaviour represents as a value or belief to that person. If a man is willing to open a car door for you, what does that say about his value and beliefs? Does this mean he's a caring person? Does this mean that he believes in treating women with respect?


Most of us don't take action for the sake of action. Most of the action we take comes from our emotional core. There is a value inside of us that tells us to go and buy the book, there is a value inside of us that continues to open doors for our dates. The goal is to find that value and to make it sound visionary.

For example if a date tells you "I do yoga." Yes it's nice that she's healthy. A visionary compliment that would impress a date would be, "Wow, you do yoga. I think it's absolutely wonderful that you take such great care of your health. That you must believe that your body is a temple, I can only imagine that you take great care of all the relationships you have with your closest friends because you probably value social health just as much."

Now it might seem strange at first, but the compliment wasn't just looking at the individual act of doing yoga. It was looking at what yoga represented. Yes it represented good health, treating the body as a divine shell, but being healthy physically also means being healthy emotionally, and to be truly emotionally healthy, we must be able to surround ourselves with people we love and cherish.

The link can be hard to see at first. Which is why this style of complimenting is the hardest. What does doing a certain activity represent for the rest of a person's life? Does it mean she's an individual who cares not only about herself but others in society? If she's a workaholic, does this mean she loves money, or does this mean she truly believes in working hard to achieve all her life's dreams?

When you are able to compliment in a way that is visionary, you will be more attractive, and you will make your date feel so good about himself, that you'll stand above the rest.


Vincent Ng is a conversation coach. He has taught conversation courses to hundreds of people on how to be more charismatic in social and professional environments. He is the author of the book, Art of Conversation: From Small Talk to Deep Conversations, you can visit his website http://www.practiceconversation.com